I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
