moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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