Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
