I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
