It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
