i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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