Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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