That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
