I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
