I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
