We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
