He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
try to milk me bitch
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
