And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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