Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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