From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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