i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Please don't give away my fajitas
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