The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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