i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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