my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
