I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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