Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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