Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
