turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
