My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
