What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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