that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize