If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We're not piercing ourselves today.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize