im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
