If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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