We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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