Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
