I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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