Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
