The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
