Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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