at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
