I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
