He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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