Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
