I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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