Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
