oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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