I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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