would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
