I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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