I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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