Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
