Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
