yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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