It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
