Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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