so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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