so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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