when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
