my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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