zippers are such a cool invention
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
