He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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