I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
