so explain again why im purple
no
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
