She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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