tell your sister to shave her snatch
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
