Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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