I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
