Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
