Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
