Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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