he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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