Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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