i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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