I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
