did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
