I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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