you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
