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Need sex. Gaining weight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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