You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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