i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
