So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
