You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
