So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
