So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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