I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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