I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
