Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
