Where is the hickey?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
