I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
